Rene Rene by Talia Kaufman

Rene Rene is the sexiest guy at Slam City Jam every year. He lost a tooth in a box car race, or at least it would be a good story if he did. His love of neon is only surpassed by his love for gold jewelry. They say he keeps his shades on under the sheets. His real name is only known by a select few, notably those who remember going to school with him in Vernon, which only adds to the mystique.

One such friend, Bob Kronbauer who now lives in L.A. and works for Girl Skateboards, recalled a few stories about his crazy teenage years. From streaking the school halls on a Monday morning, to threesomes in Stanley Park, his alluring sexiness began at a young age. "He seduced our PE teacher and made out with her during class!" recounts Kronbauer. "He was a total perv but also a genuine standup guy and a total fucking genius. In fact, I think he was the one who instigated the truce with the headbangers that was inked and signed in 1992 and still holds true with the skaters and the bangers at WL Seatson High School today."

At Slam City Jam last year he performed his hit song "Living at a Swap Meet," and autographed much cleavage, no doubt. Rene Rene has a way of making you feel like his best friend, even if he he's only met you once. He has more friends than the Pope. If you ever get a chance to meet this hunk, consider yourself blessed.